Daily Archives: 2011-12-03

The rexellation of miracles

Renee breaks the silence of the ages to bring us The Book of Rexellavelation. She cracks open the dusty, leathered tome and whispers:

In my daydream you are a total stranger, at first.

You arrive unannounced at my door, clutching a large bottle of pinot noir and the complete Van Impe Ministries video collection. And there will be that silent locking of gazes, where we suddenly understand that there is one solitary other human being out there who just totally gets the thing about Rexella Van Impe. And we are, at that very moment, staring at that one other person. Finally. We have found each other.

It continues for maybe 20 more paragraphs of this, each more impassioned than the last, broken only by youtube videos. Clearly the stresses of living in Lubbock have driven the poor lass off her nut. Anyone nearby is advised to build a tall fence around her property and throw sedatives over it.