For Sale: Small Table, Evil

r.n.i table by chul an kwakI bought it because it was beautiful and because it was horrible. Some people want a house out of Home and Garden, I like a bit more of Haunted Mansion.

At night, when you sleep, it eats anything you’ve left on it and grows more tentacles. First a stack of mail and my penny jar disappeared, later I was searching for my black vase full of black roses. When I was looking for my car keys I noticed the nubs sprouting from the previously smooth underside.

The stray cats disappeared from the shopping market. The trees emptied of birdsong. The table became too long for the hall I had put it in, so I moved it to the foyer where there was a bit more room.  I had to buy an area rug to cover the deep gouges it made in the floor as it paced at night.  No matter, it looks great.  I wouldn’t be selling this awesome table, but my fiance insists.  It has learned to climb stairs.

I never should have shown her the scratch marks on the bedroom door upstairs.  Now she won’t sleep over.

For sale to good goth owner, $666 or O.B.O.

But wait, there's more

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